Ode to Yaris: aka Gnaris

16 Aug

Everyone knows that the Toyota Yaris is one of the most purpose built race machines ever created. I’ve owned two and am currently waiting to get mine out of impound. Here’s the story:

So last Friday I was up in Mulholland with my friend Russell aka Team SadFace 😦 and two soon to be 40 year old Virgins. We did a slow run up to the lookout only to find the usual suspects; a bunch of fuckin shit heads from Thousand Oaks who think it’s cool to go to the lookout and drink beer they stole from their parents and shine laser pointers. These are the same kids that most likely own a fleshlight.

So I decide to leave the virgins to their grab-ass and talk of the river, and go down the hill to enjoy all 106 hp that the Gnaris has to offer. I turn around near the Rock Store and make my way up the hill. As I figured the Yaris handled the corners at speed with no problems and made it to the top back  to park near the adopted teenagers (I mean come on, their parents couldn’t possibly love them). As I waited at the top of Mount Gets-No-Strange, I watched a Subaru and an RX8 make their way up. The RX8 parked, and the 08 WRX Hatch took off.

No more than 5 minutes later CHP rolled in from everywhere. They took all our ID’s and told me that my car was impounded and that I was going to jail. FUCK… Team Sad Face left with the Safe Zone twins and I sat in the cop car with handcuffs behind my back. The cop was on some kind of power trip and wrote me up for “Speed Contest”… I wasn’t racing anybody. So what if I broke the sound barrier?! All joking aside, I spent the night in jail explaining to two mexican kids from Oxnard how there is nothing cool about being arrested. They still don’t get it. The night in jail was miserable with no shoes, and it being about 60 degrees in the cell. I slept on a pad with a sheet and a shitty blanket. I woke up at 6am to be greeted by a relatively hot female guard who brought me a PBJ. Finally 9:30am rolled around they released me. Craig was there to pick me up and gave me a hug. As shitty as he acts sometimes, he is a racer at heart too.

 The Yaris is currently in impound until September 6. It’ll be $1500 to get it out… FML. Can’t wait to Yaris again.


One Response to “Ode to Yaris: aka Gnaris”

  1. troy shear August 17, 2010 at 12:01 pm #

    1st this blog is so fantastic I can’t begin to describe how it has changed my life and 2nd that is the lamest story ever cops are sneaky and hungry for money and power

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